I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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