My first STD was from a foam party
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
