If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
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