Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
