I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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