went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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