I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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