My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
