Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
