The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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