Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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