you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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