Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Damn victory sex feels great
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
