i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
