end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
