Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
