but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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