I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
