Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I met the friendliest cop last night
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
