My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
