what if every blade of grass was a penis?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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