strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
