The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
