This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
