The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
