Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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