Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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