So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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