Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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