It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I fill condoms, not promises.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
