im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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