Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
