Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
