You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
