And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
