and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
