hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
