it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
