Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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