I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
