Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
