I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
