I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
