Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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