lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
