Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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