But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
