That's when you crack a 10am beer
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
this will be a night to untag.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You made out with two different species that night
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
