Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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