She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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