Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
