Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
