dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
