I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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