Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just cropdusted the office
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
we're making bets on your personal life
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
