and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
