we're making bets on your personal life
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
