I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
